Each year, as I blow an extra candle out on my birthday cake, I publish a list of the lessons I learned during the course of the past year. You can see the 23 Thing I Learned At 23 & the 24 Things I Learned At 24 if you need proof that in the past 3 years I’ve learned at least 72 individually ridiculous things. So without further ado, I present to you the 25 things I learned this year:
1. One cannot survive on Twizzlers alone. Eventually, your hair will start to fall out. And keep falling out. For a long time. So always save grocery money, even if you’re only making $7 an hour.
2. LAX has the most expensive cocktails you can fathom. You will still buy one though.
3. If you put your freshly painted fingertips into a bowl/sink of cold water for 60 seconds your nail polish will be bone dry and you can finally undo your jeans to pee.
4. If you sing in the shower loud enough, your neighbor will ask you to join his band.
5. Life is too short to be afraid to eat Mexican street meat.
6. You can survive without a phone for a while. Believe it or not, booty calls answer Facebook messages and so does your Mom. Crisis averted.
7. Don’t ever ignore the tree size limit on a Christmas tree stand. & if you do, don’t decorate it with breakable balls.
8. Being beautiful isn’t how you look, it’s about how you feel. The rest will follow suit. Just look at Mae West – the weirdest looking hot chick to ever exist, ever.
9. Someone exists that will turn your least favorite sexual position into a god-send. Trust me.
10. If you listen to depressing music when you’re depressed, you will not become UN-depressed.
11. Don’t put honey on anything you’re putting in the oven. Unless you’ve run out of all other options for meeting the fireman of your dreams.
12. Ben & Jerry’s has a decent amount of Iron in it. Just in case you’re feeling anemic.
13. In Canada, we have gun laws. That pretty much means you can ignore No Trespassing signs from now on. You’re welcome.
14. Never wear a white shirt with no bra during hurricane season in Florida.
15. It’s totally possible to meet & become friends with people you stalk on instagram. Some people even get married after meeting that way. #creeperextrodinaire
16. Prince Charming is gay & totally shaves his arm pits (LOL).
17. If you take the time to make a powerpoint regarding it, your parents will give you anything. (Thx for the MacBook Pro, Mom & Dad!)
18. You don’t actually need a couch. Friends like the kitchen, men like the bedroom, and you sit on the floor anyway.
19. Your liver is the only organ in your body that can regenerate itself. Start letting it.
20. If you call your bill providers and tell them you’re poor, they won’t keep calling you being all “uh, where’s our money?”
21. The best thing you can do to make yourself feel better in any situation is get off your ass and hit the ground running.
22. Boiled peanuts are the most vile culinary creation since that time that airplane crashed and the survivors had to start eating each other.
23. Sometimes, especially where a flight is concerned, it’s best to just take the route you know.
24. It doesn’t matter how old you get, fireworks are wonderful.
25. Love happens. So just let it.
xo & yw